8 Ways to be a More Confident and Resilient You
By Rebecca Allam – The Business Clinic Organisation CIC
For those of you who have felt the effects of the last 3 months on your mood, morale and motivation. If you have experienced the constant ups and downs that have come hand in hand with Lockdown and this global pandemic, then read on for tips on how you can stabilise your mind and learn to deal with all the things that life throws at you and take back control.
Lateef Badat, famous for his confidence and business coaching skills, kindly agreed to bring us a virtual workshop on how to boost your confidence and resilience in your business and your personal life in the face of our current climate.
Why do people want confidence?
- To feel braver
- Not to have anxiety holding you back
- Confidence means saying yes to more and experiencing more opportunities
Some of our delegate’s reasons for attending were to regain the self-confidence that they feel they have lost over this past few months and some wanted to work on their confidence and build that resilience to be able to put themselves out there more with networking, pitching and putting themselves across better in a social setting. These are all things that each and every one of us can relate to, I’m sure. Who wouldn’t want to be able to wave a magic wand and have the ability to pitch or talk to a group as if it’s second nature? Well, unfortunately, there’s no actual magic wand, but if you stick around and keep reading there are answers…
Confidence isn’t about what you don’t want… it’s about what you do!
It’s about challenging yourself and stepping outside of the limitations you set or otherwise known as your comfort zone. What’s the famous quote? ‘Everything you ever wanted is 1 step outside your comfort zone’. Well, it couldn’t be truer. If the things you wanted were inside your comfort zone, you wouldn’t need confidence to obtain them and I’m betting you wouldn’t be all that bothered about them either.
Everyone struggles with issues outside their comfort zone, even those super, confident people you see standing up at networking events, pitching a perfect (more than) 60 seconds to the whole room with a dazzling smile and extra charm and pizzazz. Maybe this comes second nature to them, but they have a fear of actually picking up the phone to their clients because what if they get a no?
OR they could be just as terrified as you are - they have just decided they are going to move forward from it and take the following steps to swallow this fear into their comfort zone so they can open their minds to more opportunities. And that’s what it all boils down to, changing your mindset and taking those risks, then doing everything you can to control the way you feel about it. And train yourself to think, if you don’t say yes to this opportunity what will happen when the next opportunity comes around? Quite often we find that if we don’t widen our comfort zone it will, in fact, do the opposite all by itself and shrink down around us.
What can you put in place to change your own mindset?
- You need to have the motivation to change – look at the positives
- Remember courage is the resistance to fear
- Practise at every opportunity – practise itself can make us more courageous
This moves us on to the how…
Here are 8 tips on how to get you from where you are now, to where you want to be:
- Acknowledge your fears – understand where they resonate from, how have you developed them? This way you can choose to work through it a little at a time.
- Expose yourself – as Noam Shpancer said, “The only way out is through”. To be more comfortable and confident around your fear, you must expose yourself to it. Even if you just do this a little at a time.
- What you tell yourself – In this case, the input = your output, or in other words, if you tell yourself you can’t – you won’t. Be more positive when thinking about a task you are fearful about. Negative thoughts feed the negative behaviour, which reinforces the negative thought! You’ll get dizzy very quickly going in circles like this!
- Start with positive affirmations – Every day remind yourself how great you are and what you are capable of in the form of a positive affirmation.
How to write a simple affirmation:
Start with the following 3 lines and tailor the 2nd part of the sentence to fit what feels best for you using positive words only.
- I AM…. successful and capable
- I CAN… overcome any challenges
- I WILL… open myself to opportunities
Can you do the Positive Affirmation Challenge? (The answer is YES by the way)
- How do you know? – Question yourself. If you feel a negative thought or feeling creeping into your mind, such as, “I can’t speak to that person” or “I can’t do exercise today” ask yourself the question, “How do you know?” Most of the time these thoughts and feelings go unquestioned and run amuck in your brain, so control them, because not liking something is different to being not good at something.
- Manage your stress – Fear and stress come hand in hand and if you don’t practice relaxation and mindfulness to keep it in check, it will attach itself to your fears and make them seem a whole lot bigger. Exercise and meditation are a great way to reduce your stress levels, even simply going for a pleasant walk each day will be enough to wipe those cobwebs away.
Wim Hof does some very powerful breathing techniques you can try.
We also recommend the (free) app Mindfulness Bell for those who are beginners to meditation.
- Plan and prepare – None of the things we have discussed today will ever come easy. The hardest part is putting it into practice, so the key to this is planning and careful preparation, setting goals and then setting the bar higher each time you take a step closer. You will get there but you have to be dedicated and consistent and most of all motivated to the cause. The hardest part is just making a start.
- Focus on the present – Use a gratitude journal if you find it difficult to plan from scratch – these will also help you to take note and register all the positive things you have going on right now. Take the time to relax and spend time doing positive activities like reading and spending time with your family.
And above all laugh more. Top up that positive energy as much and as often as you can.
“After only two sessions working with Lateef, I won the award for ‘Best Pitch’ at my BNI in Manchester. All aspects of my business pitch have been significantly improved”.
S.Patel, Therapy Director, Manchester
You can also sign up to his regular newsletter that offers success tips for business. The next is due on 8th August and will be covering ways to manage stress and anxiety during lockdown.